Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Five Years Ago Today...

I was one day past due with my big boy Will. I was lucky enough to be going through my pregnancy with two of my sisters. My sister Joanna was around five months pregnant with her first and my sister Cathy was right behind me at 37 weeks with her third. I had just gone to my 40 week appointment and was told that I was not dilated at all, I was not effacing or having any contractions. I was very disappointed and just wanted to have this baby. My sisters and I had been calling each other and checking in after all of our checkups. I was pretty frustrated though, and went on to work without calling either sister.

About 45 minutes after I arrived at work, my cell phone rang. I saw it was my sister Cathy. I picked up and began telling her about my appointment. I told her I was sorry I didn't call, I was just disappointed. I can still hear her saying, "Don't be. He'll come out when he's ready." She sounded awful, so I asked her if she felt okay. She began crying. Last night she had realized that she couldn't feel the baby moving. After a very long night, she and her husband went to her Ob/Gyn and learned that she had lost her baby.

She was home getting things in order before going to the hospital to deliver her precious baby. Cathy lives about an hour south of us. My parents went down to watch her two older sons. Joanna and I headed down to be with her during her labor. Shortly after we arrived, Cathy's best friend Kara got there. Cathy, her husband Brian and the three of us talked, cried and even laughed a little during that long painful (mostly emotionally-- the nurses were wonderful at making sure Cathy was comfortable) day. When it was time for Cathy to begin pushing, Joanna, Kara and I left to let Cathy and Brian have this time alone. Shortly after I arrived home, Cathy called and said, "He's here. He's a boy. We named him Finnegan Albert (our Grandfather's name). He's absolutely beautiful."

As anxious as I had once been for my son to come out, I now asked that he wait. I didn't want to give birth in the time between Finn's death and his funeral. My family (and myself) were already on quite an emotional ride. I didn't want to further complicate things. I also wanted to be certain I could attend his funeral. Will cooperated, and a few days later, Finn was laid to rest. His service was simple and beautiful. The small children's portion of the cemetery was full of people. So many people already knew and loved him.

Almost a week later, my Will was born. I think that my father said it well when he said that he was grateful that Will was born after all of this. Babies being born are reminders that life does go on. Babies bring hope.

It's not only on July 28th that I think about Finn. I think about him a lot of other times as well. Of course, I have a living, breathing reminder. Whenever Will reaches a milestone, I think Finn would be as well. This summer Cathy should be getting Finn ready to start kindergarten. When Will plays with her boys, Gus (10), Max (7) and now Huck(yes, named in honor of Finn (3)), I know that something is missing. I already spoke with Cathy this morning. She, Brian and the boys are going to have a picnic lunch at the cemetery today. Finn, you will always be remembered and are always loved!

4 comments:

  1. What a tragic story, but what a beautiful post and tribute. My thoughts are with your family on this day.

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  2. So sorry your family had to go through that, especially your sister. That is heart-wrenching. We had a similar experience in my family. Both my step-sisters were pregnant. One with twins (and unmarried and frankly in a real mess, but pregnant nonetheless). Her twins delivered at 25 weeks, one lived 3 days the other 4 weeks. We thought the other was going to make it and then overnight took a bad turn and she passed as well. The same day my other step-sister (her REAL sister) delivered her new baby on the same day. That whole day was so clouded by what had happened. (Sorry, not trying to make this about me, just weird how we have a lot of things in common.)

    I hope they have gained strength from their experience. Life can be so hard sometimes. As Mandy said above, beautiful tribute.

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  3. hi.. just dropping by here... have a nice day! http://kantahanan.blogspot.com/

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  4. Hugs to you and your sister and families. Losing a baby is never easy.

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