We got to the RE a little early. I am never early for anything! That tells you how eager I was for this ultrasound. When the doctor came to see us, he could see that I was nervous. I told him I would feel much better once I got to see a heartbeat. He reminded me that at 6 wks, we wouldn't necessarily see a heartbeat. This sort of small talk continued while he started the ultrasound. Then the room fell silent. I could feel the change in the room. I asked what he saw. He said, "There is definitely more than one."
I asked how many and it was Rod who answered, "Four."
The doctor said, "Yes, there are four." He snapped off the monitor and said, "Get dressed and we'll talk in my office."
The rest of the appointment was an ugly blur of talk of reduction, tears and, by the end, yelling and storming out. Rod had to go to straight to work, so we had driven separately. I was still a wreck and couldn't drive, so Rod and I sat in the lobby of the building for a long time (I honestly have no clue if it was 15 minutes or an hour.) I sat and cried, while he held my hand and told me everything was going to be alright.
Finally, we left. I had to go pick Will up at my sister Joanna's. On the way I called my sister Cathy. I told her there were four. She laughed excitedly and I quickly cut in and said, "Nope, it's not good news. The doctor wants us to reduce. We won't. He told us most if not all will die before they are born, then any that are born will be severely handicapped!" I talked to her and cried the whole way to Joanna's. God drove my car that day, because it is a miracle I wasn't in an accident (this would be the first miracle of many for us.) When I got to Joanna's I told her and we looked online for information about quadruplets. It helped some, but my head was still spinning when I left.
These are our babies at 8 weeks.
The doctor didn't give us pictures from the six week ultrasound.
Since he was still hoping we would reduce,
he didn't want us to get too attached.
They couldn't get all four in one picture,
so he had to take two separate pictures.
Just the first time we witnessed how hard
it is to get a decent picture of all four ;o)
I want to write this all down while I still remember how I felt that day. In a matter of minutes, I went from excited and hopeful to devastated and hopeless. When I look back at that day, the hopelessness is what breaks my heart. I want other women to know that things can be fine-- even great! I have four smart, funny, beautiful 2 1/2 yr olds. They are all healthy. Completely healthy, although the last three years have taught me that even if they weren't, we would have dealt with it (yeah, I know-- easy for me to say.) I'm not saying it would be easy, I just mean that I've learned that you take what you get and make the best of it. Like I say when people ask me how I do it, "You just do it." I never planned for quadruplets and certainly never thought that this would happen to me, but it did. And I couldn't be more grateful.